Conservative Cruise Lines
We at Conservative Cruise Lines have a special offer for those of you who promised to leave America if President Bush were to win another four years.
Attention Alec Baldwin, Rosie O’Donnell and her wife, Ed Asner, Janeane Garafalo, Whoppi Goldberg, Al Franken, Michael Moore and his personal chef, Cher and her much needed vocal therapist, Phil Donahue, Rob Reiner (aka "meathead"), Barbara Streisand, Jane Fonda, Vietnamese Ambassador to the U.S., Pierre Salinger, as well as the entire staffs of the LA and NY Times and anyone else who made that promise, please dispose of all US assets and report to Florida for the sailing of the Funship Cruise, "Irrelevance," which has been commissioned to take you to your new vacation homes in France and other ports abroad.
You may opt to be dropped off in Somalia, Iraq or France.
The Florida Supreme Court will sponsor a Farewell Parade in your honor through Palm Beach, Broward, and Miami-Dade counties prior to your cruise.
Please pack for an extended stay… at least four more years.
Note: Since you advocate strict gun control, you may not bring any firearms. Fortunately, Jane Fonda will be there so I’m sure you won’t need any. Giving peace a chance, and all.
Staffing your voyage is Bill Clinton as captain, Al Gore as cruise director, Grey Davis as financial director (please do not run out of money half way across the Atlantic) and Monica Lewinsky as manager of the Cigar shop.
Entertainment will be provided by the Dixie Chicks and Bruce Springsteen. John Kerry will perform lifeguard duties. His experience at pulling people out of the water qualifies him for this important task.
NOTE: Senator Kerry has RSVP’ed several times, only to back out each time after hearing the cruise wasn’t popular with the American public. So, he may or may not arrive. However, he has requested the renaming of the "shuffleboard" game on board to "waffleboard". Senator Kerry also suggests you pack your flip-flops as they come in handy when the sand gets too hot to handle.
Ted Kennedy will double as bartender and Director of Emergency Overboard Procedures. However, it is advised that you not go overboard. Your retrieval can not be guaranteed. Senator Kennedy will also be used as a buoy if required.
Rev. Al Sharpton will provide inspirational services, and ex-Congressman Gary Condit as intern coordinator.
If you have any questions about making arrangements for your homes, friends and loved ones, please direct your comments to Senator Hillary Clinton. She has arranged for her village (courtesy of the American taxpayer) to raise your children while you’re gone. She can also arrange to watch over all your money and your furnishings until you return.
P.S. FYI… Dr. Condoleeza Rice, Rudy Giuliani, Colin Powell and many other popular and quite electable Republicans have suggested you might want to plan for a 12 year trip.