Of course, the world might be completely different by then. So, each year, between now and then, I will change and edit my inaugural address so that it keeps up with current events. This is my most current version. Enjoy.
My Fellow Americans. Yesterday was the past and today is unchangeable. But tomorrow… oh, glorious tomorrow. I can’t wait for tomorrow.
Let me stand here today and report to you what our tomorrow will look like with Dan Sherman as your President.
As of tomorrow, I will remember our past only as a history lesson. I will NEVER bring it up as a way to deflect criticism of myself or my administration. As a wise President once said, "The buck stops here." As President of the United States, I am the one now responsible for our nation’s good or bad fortunes, whatever they may be or whatever might have caused them. Period.
Let me start my vision for tomorrow with a very contentious issue. As of tomorrow, we will start removing all American forces from all overseas locations that are not owned or governed by the US or its territories. With this action, the baseless and unwarranted charges of American Imperialism will finally cease to be the straw man that it has always been. The draw down will take a few years as our various treaties run out and are not renewed. This will also give the countries that benefited from our military presence, time to raise the forces necessary to protect themselves from hostile attacks. Because as of tomorrow, we are out of the protection business.
As of tomorrow, if you are a terrorist or a state sponsor of terrorism, I have a word of caution for you. Just because we won’t have an official military presence in countries outside the US, doesn’t mean we won’t have the ability to strike anywhere on earth when we have a need or will to do so. If you provoke us or our national interests we will bring the full power of our ability to project our military might, directly to your doorstep. As a result of our response, you will wish you had not heeded the call of whatever crazy god you pray to and wished you had not committed whatever atrocity said god told you to carry out in his name. If you were hiding in a mountain, the mountain will no longer exist. When we’re finished, you will not even recognize the country from where your craziness originated. Bottom line… you leave us alone, we leave you alone. Understood?
As of tomorrow, we will be eliminating all foreign aid to almost every country on earth. The days of American largess are gone. There will be exceptions over time, but only with countries that share the traditional western value of freedom of the press and other liberal values of individual freedom and liberty. Which, coincidentally, if you have these attributes as a nation, you most likely will not need our assistance. Go figure. And please do draw a conclusion from that statement.
This also means that the United States will no longer pour money into countries only to watch the leaders of those countries grow fat on corruption. Need help with a famine and you’re not a democratically run nation, with periodic elections and legislative and judicial systems in place to ensure your people have liberty against tyranny? Call France for help.
As of tomorrow, if you are attacked by a neighboring country and you’re not a democratically run country with western liberal standards of equality and liberty, perhaps you should call China for help.
As of tomorrow, I will work with Congress to redirect the multi billions of dollars we’ve been using to prop up corrupt countries, to the people of this country, through lower taxation and more efficient use of existing tax payer funded public assistance programs.
As of tomorrow, the Secretary of State will deliver a letter of resignation to the United Nations, on behalf of the United States. The United Nations has become a mockery of it’s former self. Instituted in 1945 to bring together the nations of the world and to improve the lot of mankind, instead, it has only undermined democratic rule throughout the world and given cover to tyranny and despotism. As of tomorrow, the American people will no longer be a part of this corrupt and toothless organization.
And as a result of no longer being a part of the UN, I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan and treat them the same as any traffic law violator of the great state of New York. As of tomorrow, diplomatic immunity does not exist. If you’re in this country, you abide by our laws or leave.
Speaking of being in our country. As of tomorrow, if you are a foreign citizen attempting to gain illegal entry into the US, or are already here illegally, you might want to start loving your own country once again. We will not allow your first action in the US to be breaking our immigration laws. You come here legally, under a system of orderly integration into our way of life, or you do not come at all. And if you come from another country, we want you to share your FORMER national culture with us. But don’t expect to be able to do anything in this country without the ability to speak English. Other than transitionary educational classes, this country speaks English and English only. As of tomorrow, "Press #2" is no longer an option on our phone tree. You’ll press #1, or find someone that can. English is a vital part of our culture. Get used to it. But please don’t misunderstand my heart on this matter. Your native language and culture is valuable to the overall history and tapestry of life on earth and there is no one language that has more or less intrinsic value over another. But in order for Americans to retain our national identity and share in the experience of being an American, it’s imperative everyone speaks the same language. And that language is English.
As of tomorrow, I will do everything I can to eliminate the costly stranglehold unions have over entire industries. Unions are a thing of the past. Today, they are killing the ability of US companies to compete on an international stage. Union employees are paid far more on average than a non union employee, for the same work. In the public sector, this raises your taxes and we all suffer at the hands of a few. This will stop. Existing union contracts will be honored at the federal level, but the federal government will no longer enter into any contract with union workers. We will pay fair wages for work rendered, but we will not pay artificially high negotiated wages at the expense of the American tax payer. I say here now… the days of public unions extracting blood from the American taxpayer is gone. And if your union is a private sector union, you will no longer have the federal government’s protection through rules designed to steer contracts to union workers. You will compete on a level playing field. If you’re more expensive than a non union shop, you will lose your bid. Then we’ll see how much support you continue to get from your unemployed workers.
On the energy front…. as of tomorrow, we’ll be signing contracts with more than a dozen exploratory drilling companies to tap into our domestic oil reserves, mainly in the state of Alaska and the gulf areas. We will do this knowing the risks associated with oil drilling and knowing full well that no one is going to take care of their own natural surroundings better than those that live there. Catastrophes are always a risk we take in any human endeavor. But it doesn’t stop us from undertaking them. It just allows us to learn and take all the necessary precautions we can take, in the next project. And if you’re an environmentalist who opposes this decision… um… well… I don’t care.
As of tomorrow, I’m making America my focus. I’m going to concentrate on the morale and welfare of OUR citizens. If this means we’re accused of isolationism, so be it. It’s not that we’re withdrawing from the world, we’re giving up being the world’s arbitrator of right or wrong, good or bad, rich or poor. We’re done. Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet, at one time or another. I say, we’re done. Done. D. O. N. E. DONE!
As of tomorrow, it’s time to make sure any American that wants to work and earn enough to put a roof over their heads, feed their families and save enough to live off of in their old age, can do so. If you don’t want to do that, you’ll starve. That’s your choice. If you CANNOT work to put food on your table, your fellow citizens will help in the form of local and state charity. The federal government is not and should not be the source of welfare for the individual citizen because we’re not the best entity to judge the needs of individuals. There are various levels of government and the federal level should not be assisting or governing local problems.
As of tomorrow, we are Americans with no hyphens. Your skin color will be a description not an identity. If you talk, walk, act, laugh or eat differently than your neighbor, and they don’t care for the way you do that, don’t assume it’s because they are "phobic" to your niche of human existence. Respect their sensibilities and they’ll respect yours. If you walk into a corporate job interview with a pierced nose and hoop ears, that company is probably going to exercise their freedom to associate with whomever they want and not hire you. If you want to be successful in whatever culture you are attempting to be successful in, fit in. Be respectful of the social norms into which you are trying to integrate. Otherwise, seek out the social community that WILL accept you and stop trying to make others accept your social norms.
As of tomorrow, if you know someone who is an outright racists and is willing to abrogate another’s basic human rights because of an immutable trait like skin color, disassociate yourself from them and cut them off from your social structure. That is the only way we’re going to eliminate racism. It’s a collective effort, but an effort that societies must reconcile among each of us, without government intervention.
As of tomorrow, I will encourage Congress to simplify our tax code. Our current tax system is the most asinine system for asking citizens to fund the operation of government, that has ever existed in a free society. As of tomorrow, I will work with Congress to upend generations of stupidity and special interest control over taxation and rework it so that it makes sense. The people of this nation should not be sending one red cent directly to the federal government. Allow me to explain how this should logically work. Stay with me because it’s so simple you might pass out from shock. States decide how best to tax their citizens for services rendered. The federal government then taxes the states for federal services rendered. It’s a one way street. Citizen to state, state to federal. This will create a system of competition among the states, for your continued citizenship. If one state feels they have to take 50% of your income in order to render services and another takes 25% and renders the same level of services. Guess what? The 50% state is going to lose citizens and revenue and they’re probably going to try to become competitive once again. This is the same system that our private sector works on. It’s called free markets. Then states will be billed for federal services rendered according to how many people live in their state. If a state has 10% of the total population of the US, then they pay 10% of the federal operating bill. And by the way, that federal bill will be orders of magnitude smaller than they’ve been in the past 50 years because I will ensure that the federal government is doing what the federal government was originally designed to do. I can assure you, that isn’t making sure each person in the US has things that they have not earned through ingenuity or sweat equity. Just because you were born a US citizen does not make you automatically entitled to a life of charity. Take that how you wish. But if you’ve been getting a free ride, you’re going to have to get off the ride and buy a ticket, like everyone else.
As of tomorrow, federal mandates are gone. I will work tirelessly to unravel almost every federal mandate there is. There are exceptions, but almost every issue that is federally controlled can be moved to the state level and be more efficiently managed that it is now at the federal level. The fact that someone from Washington DC is mandating a rule that South Dakota has to abide by, is an arrogant power grab and I won’t stand for it.
In closing, I realize there is a segment of the American populace that does not agree with my view of the world or my view of what America is about. I can respect that. But we’ve tried your way for many generations now, through Democrat and Republican administrations. And we’ve survived and most of the time, thrived. But only DESPITE the policies in place, not because of them. That tells me that if we actually managed our treasure in a fiscally responsible manner and remove the barriers to true free trade and free markets and reduce the government footprint on the backs of the American people, the American spirit will take over as it has never done so before. When that happens, we’ll not only be the better nation for it, but the world will be a better world. Because America, through thick and through thin, has ALWAYS been the standard bearer for what is good and what is right in the world. We’re not perfect, by any means, but if perfection were a rainbow, we’d be the pot of gold at the end of it.
Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is not a government entitlement. In fact, it is only attainable through government NON intervention. What God has granted, let no man or government put asunder.
God bless this great nation. America is its name. Tomorrow is its destiny.